Monday, October 26, 2009

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

First of all I haven't written a letter asking for anything in nearly 50 years so I think you should seriously consider my requests.

I'm writing early because in another month, you're going to get thousands of letters from kids way too young to even know what they really want. So, I thought it would be nice to write you early and after much soul searching, I know what I want.

Could I have a Miss America make-over? OK, I know there's not much to work with, wanna negotiate? How about a MRS. America make-over? I'm not asking for all the perks, just a few. How about a new hour glass figure? Barbie turned 50 recently and she still looks smashing. And while you're shaping me up, how about airbrushing my crinkles? If you can bag my sags, I'll happily donate them to someone 30 years older than me. They might be content to trade out their old goods.

When you tumble down the chimney and leave the new me, I'll leave out fudge and Starbuck's coffee. I know it'll be a long night. My sweet tooth will be lurking nearby, could you haul him off in your empty sack? He's the reason I'm packing way too much in my trunk. Santa, you are one of the few who knows my real age of 61, but I've been telling people I'm 81, and they always say, "Wow! you look really good for your age!" But if you will roll back the years and cellulite, I can be an honest woman again.

Since, I'll have my new Mrs. America figure, I'd also like to follow tradition and ask for one more thing. If I have any influence at all, I'd like Real and Lasting World Peace. On second thought, Santa, just forget the new figure, I've given up wearing anything over 3 inch heels. And a new figure would require high-risers. How tall are some of those steepled shoes? Never mind. I'm comfortable in my skin and SAS loafers.

Just work on acquiring that World Peace, please.

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